Issue of January 13, 2019
     
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Stubborn mother and bullying

Dear Manang,

How do you deal with a mother who refuses everything you do for her? She doesn’t like the food that I prepare and doesn’t appreciate the help that I give her like sparing her from housework. She thinks that I steal from her and I am useless. I decided to wait for her to say what she wants me to do rather than voluntarily do what is necessary.

Donita -- Tuba, Benguet

Dear Donita,

You forgot to say how old your mother is. I will surmise that she must be in her late 70s or 80s because that’s when they become difficult. Many people say patience is the virtue one must use in these times. We just exercise tolerance for their nature when they get older. They demand for kindness when they are not. But we can’t do otherwise. We just need to care for them, no matter what, just because they are parents and we are their children. Don’t look for something you can’t get. WikiHow says, “Aging family members may become angry that they’ve lost the authority that they used to have over you. Allow them to work through this anger. Things are changing, but eventually everything will settle down.”

Appreciate yourself,

Manang

Dear Manang,

I am getting paranoid with all the bullying that is going on around me. At school, there are classmates who just take my ballpen away or ask me for P10. Sometimes, I don’t even have P10 and they don’t believe me and that’s when I get punched in the stomach. Other schoolmates do the same or ask me questions like, “Why are you wearing red? Take it off and throw it away!” I am scared to go to school sometimes but I know I need to finish high school. I cannot tell anyone.

Raz -- Sto. Tomas, Baguio City

Dear Raz,

How sad you must be each time you go to school because it is fear that accompanies you each day. Of course you have teachers there who can help you. You should observe those bully students. They must be doing it to other students too. In that way you will be able to identify the bullies for the other victims too. Maybe you can surround yourself with classmates as a good strategy because they can’t attack three or four students at the same time. Stick with groups, avoid being alone. But surely, there must be a teacher who knows how to gently tackle the bullies. They have problems at home and are using the show of force to compensate for their weaknesses. It is they who have mental health issues. Kidshealth.org says, “Some bullies come from families where everyone is angry and shouting all the time. They may think that being angry, calling names, and pushing people around is a normal way to act. Some bullies are copying what they’ve seen someone else do. Some have been bullied themselves.”

Surround yourself with friends,

Manang

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