Issue of August 11, 2019
     
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Anger and impatience

Dear Manang,

My son is a good son. He is endearing in many ways. He cooks meals and he is concerned with my being tired. But you can’t rely on him to tidy up and be neat. He also has a mean streak. He can get violent and hurt his sister. I brought him for consultation at Philippine Mental Health Association and his counseling proved that he needs to control his anger. He needed counseling but I have failed to convince him to return and comply with taking notes on what he feels. The outbursts are getting scary.

What will happen next?

Grace of Dreamland, Baguio City

Dear Grace,

It is difficult to control anger until you recognize it yourself. Only when you know you have a problem will you be able to recognize what triggers it. I myself had the same issue with anger and it made me miserable. I asked myself why I was angry with my mother and saw that I resented her lies. She had a way of twisting the truth even if it was her fault. When I found the cause of my anger, I just avoided talking to her. I just keep quiet and let her talk but I don’t engage her. I now am able to tolerate her and I feel better. I have less anger. It took me years to find the root and my relationship with her is better. I don’t need to stay out of the house to let it pass. Maybe you must ask your son why he is angry. Keep asking him until he realizes what he is angry about. Sometimes the question “Why?” is the most powerful antidote.

Ask,

Manang

Dear Manang,

My daughter complains about work. She says that her 10 working hours are long. She says she wants to quit. She feels that her boss is taking advantage of her patience at her job and has assigned her to the jobs she doesn’t like. I want to tell her that in the beginning it is difficult but after a while, it will get better when she gets used to it. She is losing patience at her job. I am afraid that it is too early to resign. She is only a year into the job.

How do I convince her?

Daria of Sumulong St., Baguio City

Dear Daria,

Yes, children are impatient to their disadvantage. They don’t know that sometimes it is training when bosses assign one to different tasks. Sometimes it also means that the boss is looking for one’s best traits and to fit one in the right job. But on a more basic note, one is doing the right thing by just listening to your daughter’s complaints. That is a way of desensitizing her. It is a way to help her process her feelings and eventually allowing her to understand her own feelings. Soon, she will realize that she will have coping skills in her job and survive it. Good job! But don’t overkill the processing by insisting on your way. Just let her think out loud. Sometimes when we hear ourselves, we learn.

Keep listening,

Manang

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