Issue of September 17, 2017
     
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Excessive jealousy and first love

Dear Manang,

I love someone very much. I can say that he is good in many ways. He is thoughtful, he is mindful, he is generous, he loves children and is very loving too. But sometimes, he is not practical. I work in La Union and come home on weekends. I drive almost two hours after work after seven in the evening on Fridays. During the trip home, he begins texting me. I have many times reminded him that I don’t know how to read my messages, answer them and drive all at the same time. If not for this excessive jealousy about my not answering his messages I would not leave him. He deserves someone who can love him equally if not more for this obsession. Tell me I am doing the right thing.

Nagsawa na, Old Lucban

Dear Nagsawa na,

Geez! What women would do to find that man and here you are throwing up on this love overload. What’s wrong with you? But what’s right with you is you foresee what comes next. Obsession and jealousy are a bad mix and it can become ugly. That extreme suspiciousness has no antidote and eventually, he will hurt you, let alone zero in on someone who is not even a boyfriend to be jealous about. Love can be poison too when it wears green. Find your balanced love, there are lots of them too. Sorry about being so nega about this “true love” man simply because been there done that and true enough, it got pretty physical.

Let him go, let him go,

Manang

Dear Manang,

High school love is an ember and as I turn 50, I suddenly want to see my first girlfriend. I never knew the reason why we broke up and wonder how my life would have been if I married her instead of my wife. I have searched Facebook and found her but I don’t know if it is the right thing to do. Is it unfaithful of me if I do this secretly? I just feel the same excitement as I did when I was in high school at the thought of seeing her photo and the possibility of talking to her. Help.

Lakay N., Mabini St.

Dear Lakay N,

It is called closure when there is unfinished business left in our lives that must be dealt with. I can imagine the same tingly excitement at the thought of seeing an old flame (It ain’t no ember) at a gathering or anywhere for that matter. For some, you will say, I made the right choice in choosing my “‘till death do us part” partner. For some, you would wish your wife is as beautiful. It really depends on what you’ll want out of the meeting or communication. But with the looks of it, you’re just wanting to know if there’s that same feeling in her too. Go for the closure, just to end the chapter. Please, don’t let wifey know, she can still overreact and die a jealous woman. Spare her this one bone to chew.

Blow it out,

Manang

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